February 11, 2010, 4am
A famed writer once wrote, “I would like to put an end to this miserable life of mine but I dare not because of my oath of service.” I sit here contemplating this watching these people; these faces walk by as if driven by some rousing or inspiring force that I will never understand. And where do I fit in, in this grand motion picture, this consciousness of existence? Some believe that my reality has been pre-written. That my fate was already created for me the day I was born. Bah, impartial open minded nonsense. I’m not a goddamn hippie I think to myself. So then why all these thoughts? Why all these questions? How are they created? Where do they end? I feel very alone with all of this uncertainty and begin to brutally meditate (brutally because it hurts my brain to think in these terms but thankfully my tolerance for pain is high.)
So accordingly, I proceed to then mentally clear my throat.
A moment of silence is a lifetime of opinion. And a lifetime of opinion is an ongoing exploration of truth if not for these interruptions due to my oath of service.
This makes me grin. Let us begin with life.
Life is a fragmentary descent into a murky void where the finale is some endless parade that made you forget how you got there in the first place, and as you arrive and step through the doorway of judgement you notice the sign above that reads ‘Loop’ but you don’t pay any attention and hike on, regardless.
A laugh but not out loud (….lnol…..jesus.)
We are all doomed. We have all sinned and shall never make it as a progressive, forward-thinking advanced race. It’s all a big joke. Leave now. Take off at top speed homeward and fix yourself a dry martini with four parts vodka instead of the usual two. And no olives.
